I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
