i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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