then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
