i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
