I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
