You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
