you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
