Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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