The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
