i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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