Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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