I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
