We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
