some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
