Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She is in my trunk
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
