He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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