Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
