fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
