I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
