haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
