I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
