I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
