Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
