Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
