What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
