not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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