So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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