That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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