boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
