so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
