last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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