When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
