I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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