My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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