i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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