yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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