my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
