I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
