You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
