Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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