we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your cock deserves a montage
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
