this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
