Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
