I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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