I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
