so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
