i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
