He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
