i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
