i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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